Pie and Quill
by Neferit
Summary: Ori knew that his only task is to get married to the person they picked for him, as he was the only one available - with the much needed drop of royal blood while not beeing close enough to the monarchs to be considered one of them. But this... this was unexpected. He was marrying a woman. Fem!Bilbo/Ori.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Written for a prompt I deviously deviated from (after asking the OP whether it's fine to do so):

_The dwarves need to make a contract (for reasons) with the shire and by dwarf custom they generally seal the deal with a marriage so both sides are linked. Generally it's someone from the royal family but die to smaug ('we kinda need all out heirs') they offer up a young apprentice who had neen training to be a scribe who had tagged along for training._

_The hobbits not wanting to really argue with the armed race on their doorstep offer up bilbo who's not married and already has a big family home of his own. Bilbo agrees (for reason I don't really care about) so long as he can stay in the shire. Cue cultural differences and awkwardness._

_+10 if ori braids bilbo's hair really awkwardly because he never really expected to get married_

_+100 if a hobbit sees a dwarf breaking in and when they tell ori he's all 'OMG nori is visiting!'_

Well, I since I do not care much about mpreg, I decided to deviate from the prompt by genderbending Bilbo. Because I can, and if it fits, I shipz! Also, I like to screw with the timelines and canon, hopefully it will still make some sense...

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the strawberry dumplings I'm just devouring.

* * *

**One**

If someone asked Ori he certainly would say that their first meeting could have gone much better.

Like - he learnt that his main purpose on this whole journey was to be married to the first available person nearly right at the beginning of their journey, to seal the treaty the dwarves were so desperate to sign with those... hobbits. Attack of dragon Smaug left Erebor in great danger of starvation, as the beast burned most of the fields around the Lonely Mountain and Dale, effectively crippling their ability to feed their people, and not even the elven kingdom in Greenwood could help them as long as both Erebor and Dale needed. King Thror, his son Thrain and grandson Frerin died in the attack, and while it would usually be the new king, or one of his siblings, who would suggest such treaties, it was time where the rightful royal blood was needed in Erebor, leaving only those of family of Ri, with the drop of royal blood in their veins thanks to an indiscretion of one prince of long past, to travel to close such deals.

Funny how people can overlook you through your entire life, only to use you to escape an arranged marriage themselves.

Those people living in the Shire... Their land was plentiful, and from what Ori learnt, they were willing to trade, and actually offered even better conditions for trade with the two kingdoms, at least in the beginning so they could get back on their feet and then the trade would get its usual conditions. Still, it seemed like it surprised them quite a bit when the leader of these people, the Thain, had been told that in order for the treaty to work properly, one of his kin must marry one of the dwarves. Despite their surprise, Thain had been very hospitable, and Ori was amazed how much Thain wanted to know about him before he sent for the one he would in all probability marry.

It took several days for his spouse-to-be to arrive to this place, to those Great Smials, and didn't Ori immediately stuck his foot in his mouth.

"Good morning. You must be Ori, son of Rivka. I'm Bella Baggins, and from what I understand, we are to be married soon."

"I'm going to get married to _a woman_?!"

**-o.O.o-**

For a moment Bella looked at him, unmoving as if he just slapped her, so he immediately rushed to her side, guiding her to the nearest armchair. "I'm sorry!" he blurted. "I... well, you see, I'm no one all that important, apart from being distantly related to the royal house of Erebor, and the dwarven women are rare, so I never would have thought I would get married, much less to a woman, and can we _please_ start again?"

Bella blinked several times, and then her lips formed a small smile. "I'm sorry," she offered, "for overreacting. You see, I'm granddaughter of the Thain, but it's not like there are people lining up to ask to court me, which is why Gerontius asked me whether I would agree to an arranged marriage." She gave him a sombre grin. "You see, I'm no one that important either, but maybe together we could be important to each other in time?"

Ori felt himself blushing at the intense look the woman in front of him was giving him (she was pretty, had amazingly blue eyes and even if she didn't have any beard, she still looked too good to be true), but before the embarrassment could stop him, he dropped on one knee in the gesture he read in the books, and taking one of her hands in his, he said: "I would like to do this properly then. Would you do me the honour of marrying me, Bella Baggins?"

Radiant smile and a shy "yes!" had been the only answer he got, but it still felt like the most important thing in the world.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** And onward to courting. By the way, in relations to some of the questions I received concerning this story - while the original prompt had been for Bilbo and Ori, both of them men, after asking the OP I deviated from the prompt and genderbent Bilbo to Bella. So, even if the prompt mentioned mpreg, there really won't be any of it in this story, since I really do not think that Bella would somehow make Ori pregnant. I spoke about it before, but I suppose people really do just skip those pesky Author Notes to read the story xD

**Disclaimer:** Still own nothing, but my cup of coffee.

* * *

**Two**

They were on one of their walks; a mandatory part of hobbit courting, that's what Ori had been told, and he really wanted to make his bride-to-be as comfortable with him as possible (not to mention he was dying out of curiosity how the courting of other people looks like). On the first walk they went on, he placed a courting braid into her hair - his fingers as clumsy as they were on that one memorable time when Dori tried to teach him to knit for the very first time.

Well, at least this time he didn't nearly stab his own eye with a needle.

And the braid looked quite nice - on about sixth try, that is, Bella's smile surprisingly not dimming in the slightest at the long wait till he finally got the braid right, securing it with the courting bead his mother gave him when he came of age. He felt a bit awkward at first, when Bella weaved him a crown of flowers and placed it on his head, but after she made one for herself as well, marking them as a couple, he actually felt rather proud to wear it. Of course, in the privacy of her smial she braided a courting braid into his hair as well, sealing it with with a string pulled through one of her prized brass buttons, hiding it into his hair; only the two of them knew it was there, and the knowledge warmed Ori in some unexplainable way.

And it was on one of their their walks that they were walking under the apple trees, Bella reached for an apple, and when all of them had been too high for her, he reached over and picked a nice red apple and handed it to her. She looked from the apple in his hand up to his face, and standing on her tiptoes she kissed him on cheek; a soft touch of her lips on the skin of his face and he felt himself reddening at the sensation. "Thank you," she said, taking the apple from his hand and after polishing it on her skirt, she took a bit of it.

Suddenly feeling bold, he leaned down, kissing her on cheek in return. "You're welcome," he replied, his lips creating a mischievous smile at her responding blush.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** And more courting stuff in this one. Originally I wanted to use this scene in different fic, but I think it fits better here. So, in the words of profound wisdom - onward to futility!

**Disclaimer:** Still own nothing, but I really wish I had a can of beer right now. Alas, I have none.

* * *

**Three**

"Ori, stop."

Ori felt himself sinking lower to the floor. Bella had been teaching him some hobbit dances for their wedding, and so far, he felt like a rather spectacular failure. He would have felt rather comfortabe, if all that was asked from him was to hold her and possibly sway to the music but _no_. Hobbit dances tended to be very lively, with either lots of hopping around, or lots of swirling around, and while he was relatively dexterous, in this he felt like the biggest lumox under the sun.

They were practicing the polka steps for about two hours, and he already managed to step on Bella's feet more times than he ever thought possible. That was actually why he took his boots off. While Bella didn't complain, he could see her wincing each time his clumsiness got its better of him.

And the floor - it ertainly had been so interesting! More interesting than would be seeing Bella's disappointment in him as a dancer, that's for sure.

"Ori."

Oh, look, there was a piece of dirt, shaped as rune. Wasn't that marvelous?

"_Ori_. Look at me, please."

When he still stuborny stared at the floor, he heard Bella sigh and then she was standing right in front of him, effectively blocking his view of rune-shaped piece of dirt, and with her finger under his chin, she raised his face so he would finally look at her. Her face held look of fond exasperation, but unlike anything what Ori expected, she certainly didn't look angry or disappointed.

"Ori," she said carefully, mindful of how he obviously felt, "what about we tried dancing a bit differently? Would you be willing to try?"

For a moment it seemed that Ori will refuse, fed up with dancing for the rest of the day at least, but with a heavy sigh he accepted her hand and let himself be led again to the centre of the room they used. They stood in the position Bella explained to him in great detail. For their very first dance, they will be expected to show a very proper dance, with hands not straying from their appropriate place - but afterwards, they were allowed to dance more comfortably _and_ less appropriately. But before Ori could start counting to three, as he had been when practicing the polka, Bella stopped him.

"Let's just... sway for a moment, to get used to be so close to each other, yes?"

They started swaying in a slow rythm, before Bella slowly led them through a slow spin, and continued to pull him around, until he relaxed into the spin enough that they started to move together more easily, making longer steps, wordlessly moving around the room in relaxed and slow spins. He allowed himself to close his eyes, just enjoying the feel of Bella in his arms, her hand in his.

Ori didn't realize it at first, but Bella had been slowly increasing the speed at which they moved, so it came as a bit of a shock when he opened his eyes to say something to Bella, only to see that they had been moving around pretty quickly - it surprised him so much that he stumbled over his feet and both of them ended in a heap on the floor, Ori on his back and Bella sprawled across his chest.

Suddenly feeling brave, he raised his hand into her hair, pulling her down to kiss him, Bella smilling briefly before their lips met and everything went in a colourful blur and wildly beating hearts, right until someone knocked on the door and almost made them jump right out of their skins.

* * *

**A/N:** I would also liked to add that I thank you all of your awesome support, it really makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to see that you folks are enjoying the story so far. So - if there is something you would like to see in this story, please, do not hesitate to tell me. Of course, it may not be implemented, but I still would like to hear all about it :-)


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** And here they say 'I do'.

**Disclaimer:** Still own nothing, but I really wish I had a can of beer right now. Alas, I have none.

* * *

**Four**

"Don't forget to breathe, son."

Ori startled at the amused voice sounding to his left. Thain was there, holding the ribbon used in the ceremony of hand fastening (well, the other word for wedding, obviously), and looked damn amused at him not being able to breathe properly, as he waited for his bride to appear.

After all, he was not allowed to see her for the whole last week, and since he got used to be around her every day during the months of their courting, he really missed her presence. Not to mention he was anxious to get this thing over with, so he could finally kiss her without having to look over his shoulder all the time. Well, that and much more, of course.

It saddened him a bit that his brothers didn't manage to arrive in time to witness this day, but since together with them the King of Erebor and his heirs would arrive as well, he decided it was actually worth it. Who would want to spend one of the most important days of their lives by being cowed by someone else's presence?

And then he saw her, his Bella, all dressed in white, a wreath of flowers on her head, as she walked down the aisle, sending him the most radiant of smiles he ever saw on her. Was it any surprise that Thain had to elbow him, so he would start breathing again?

Bella, on the other hand, had no trouble breathing - right the opposite, actually. Right before her bridesmaids got her, she was breathing so quickly that she had hard time to not breathe herself into fainting. But seeing Ori, standing by her grandpa, waiting for her to come closer before he reached for her... that certainly calmed her down, even if she nearly forgot to say "I do"; so taken she was by his eyes, those vivid brown orbs that seemed to draw her in every time she looked into them.

But at least not a single one of the guests could say that this match wouldn't be happy - the wedding kiss certainly proved every naysayer wrong.

* * *

**A/N:** And here we are, finally after the wedding! I'm afraid I will not write any detailed smut, since I fail at it pretty badly. But the idea of family visit certainly sounds like something... very probable :D Oh, and before I forget - from all the ideas you folks (and some folks at other sites) sent me, it looks like the main demand is for the rest of the Ori's family (close or not-that-close) to be jealous of him landing a woman. Interesting idea, but to tell the truth, this nearly mortal-combat-worthy jealousy does not seem to fit the image I have of the dwarves. No one I know ever had any positive experience with jealousy either, so while this trope certainly seems to be very popular (well, it _does_ add the mandatory drama into our fics :D), so as much as I can, I will evade writing about it. But still thank you all for your time - even if I will not take up on your ideas, your ideas sparked some other plot Rings (TM) :)


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** The marital workings. Also, long A/N at the end in response to one review I received, so consider yourself warned xD

**Disclaimer:** Still own nothing, but I really wish I had a can of beer right now. Alas, I have none.

* * *

**Five  
**

The settled into a pleasant routine, those first few weeks after their wedding. Bella would wake up first, and after a quick stop at the bathroom, she would dress quickly and start preparing the first breakfast. By the time she was done, Ori would finally rouse himself from his slumber, and join her in the kitchen, kiss her a good morning, before he settled by the table and Bella poured him a cup of coffee (she didn't quite understand what made this bitter drink so much better than tea - especially when Ori put loads of sugar and cream into it, before it was even drinkable) and they started on their breakfast.

Ori still found himself amazed at the amount of food the hobbits set on the table for each of their meals. It wasn't as if they ate so much out of what they served - instead, it looked like they were always expecting someone to drop by. Sometimes, someone would appear, asking about this or that, and of course they would get something to nibble on.

Once they finished their first breakfast and did the dishes - Bella washing up and Ori putting them away - they would do some writing down of whatever project each of them had been working on. Ori had been putting together a book of Hobbit etiquette for the dwarven merchants, so they could deal with hobbit customers without causing unnecessary misunderstandings (like - no headbutts to seal a deal, since no one would like to be rendered unconscious just because they bought something and the likes), while Bella had been carefully going over the latest parts of her translation work of elven poetry to Westron.

After having a small second breakfast - usually some sweet cones or tarts with tea (this time Ori didn't mind the tea in the slightest), Ori would return to his writing, while Bella tended to her garden. Most of the heavier gardening had been done by Hamfast, her gardener and a friend, but taking care of the flowerbeds under the windows had been something what Bella prefered to do herself, as it helped her to center herself, after she was translating for longer periods of time.

Then it was time for elevensies - once again some sweet buns, jam and tea - but they always ate just a little, before Bella started on the luncheon, Ori bravely helping her during the preparations, cutting things for her, or bringing her the heavier items she needed, enjoying the appreciative whistle she let out, when she saw him carrying something heavy.

It certainly paid to be related to Dori, the current champion of strength among the dwarves.

Usually, after they cleaned after the luncheon, they went to have a nap in their bedroom; taking the outer clothing off and cuddling drowsily under the blankets; Bella's head on Ori's chest as she listened to the soft beats of his heart. Sometimes there would be some... _activity_ during their nap, being the newlyweds they were, but often they were content with just being close to each other.

Afternoon tea was the time of the day that nearly always meant a visitor from the ranks of Bella's big family; usually from the Took side of her family although an occassional Brandybuck or Baggins would show up as well. Ori really liked most of his new relatives - they eyed him with exactly the same curiosity he would eye them, and he marvelled at the number of children (or _fauntlings_, as they called them here) the hobbit couples tended to have. So many children - his friends, Bofur and Bifur would be big hit in the Shire with their carved wooden toys, and Bombur with his own horde of children wouldn't be lost here as well.

The only ones Ori didn't feel very welcoming towards had been Sackville-Bagginses - Otho and his young wife Lobelia had been very unpleasant to deal with even on their good day. If they had a bad day, it took every ounce of his and Bella's manners not to just slam the door into their faces. Not only they tended to pick on everything they viewed innapropriate (which, roughtly translated, literally meant _everything_), they also tended to try to steal Bella's silverware, and it was rather unpleasant to have to watch your guests, unwelcome they may be, to stop them from getting away with your belongings.

Before it was time to start preparing the dinner, Bella liked to drag Ori away from his work to lie beneath the trees in the garden surrounding the Bag End. At the beginning, Ori felt awkward to lie in the grass and stare at the clouds, but after some time, he relaxed so much that Bella had to wake him up for dinner; a stew or leftovers from the luncheon.

Of course, there was supposed to be supper some time after the dinner, but Ori couldn't be bothered to wait for it most of the days; instead, the only thing he wanted to feast on being his wife. Who, after putting some token resistance about missing a meal would easily let herself be carried to their bedroom, shutting the curtains in the bedroom window before giving him a coquettish look over her shoulder, that usually sped everything up; clothing flying all around, muffled gasps and moans the only sounds before the bed creaked and two beings became one.

Drifting to sleep, Ori thought that this was how he could spend the rest of his life. _Easily_.

* * *

**A/N:** Alright, I would like to respond to one of my reviewers - sadly, they weren't signed in when they commented, so I have to respond to them in this public way, as I like to try to respond to every review I can. I'm almost considering disabling guest reviews again - but since some of the best feedback I've received is fro guest reviewers, it would be a shame to rob myself of those...

So, my dear Guest reviewer - I'm sorry that you view this story as unimaginative, old and unoriginal, due to me chosing to genderbent Bilbo, chose his female name Bella and roll with the premise of het instead of slash.

First of all, the story was written as such with consent of the OP of the whole prompt, so it's not like I just sucked it out of my thumb, not giving a damn about rolling with what the OP wanted.

On second note, just because the character is suddenly (or, well, _always_) a woman does not make them instant mary sues, at least in the way I view it. Bilbo, or in this instance, Bella, has mostly the same personality, just with the female undertones to it - Bella never developed any super powers, is not either loved or hated with nothing in-between, and I'd like to think that all in all she doesn't display the infamous characteristics of Mary Sue. And Bella being unimaginative - when I first started with writing Hobbit fics with genderbent characters, or Original Characters, I did quite a lot of research about the names from the canon we have, and from the rest of the fandom uses the most. Imagine what - I found lists of names for hobbit ladies, and that they tend to be related to flowers most of the time; and that quite a few people actually like genderbending, but strongly dislike making the names of the genderbent characters into something they have problems with deciphering as name of, for this instance, Bilbo. So, unimaginative it may be, but if nothing else, it doesn't confuse people.

On the note of genderbending being old - well, I think here it depends on the point of view and what exactly are your personal preferences. I could say that Thilbo or Durincest is getting old, because it sometimes looks like every story there is has these pairings, and not enough stories have other main pairings with keeping these four as either friends or simply as brothers with no romantic feelings between them. But - what people want to write is what they are going to write. Paraphrasing my favourite playwright - "we can discuss it, we can even get into fights about it, we can disagree with it - but that's about everything we can do about it." In this case - don't like, don't read, if you are offended by the themes of some story or do not find them interesting. Saves you time.

And the last note about genderbending being old, and this story being better, if it was done the original way - well, this is where you can come in, and fill it while sticking to the original prompt. You can find the OP of the prompt at hobbit_kink meme at LJ, prompt post 16, page 28. Multifills are love, I'm told, and I would bet my cup of freshly brewed coffee that the OP would be over the moon as well. I myself would read the heck out of it, too - Bilbo/Ori is my favourite OTP, and certainly deserves more love.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Meet your dwarven in-laws. Beware of flying plates.

**Disclaimer:** Still own nothing, but I really wish I had a can of beer right now. Alas, I have none.

* * *

**Six**

Ori thought that he did quite a good job at writing the short list of things to do and of things not to do when you are a dwarf in a hobbit country for his family and friends, so they woudn't commit some grave mistake that would turn hobbits against them. So far, hobbits were wary of him, but slowly they were accepting him in their midst, no longer whispering behind his back as they did in the beginning of his life here.

And of course, even if he sent his guide by the quickest raven, and the raven did deliver it, it obviously didn't mean that his friends and family, not to mention the royalty themselves, had read it, and understood it. That much had been clear, when he returned home from some important matter he had been going over with the Thain, while his wife remained home to greet his kin - and instead of the relaxed atmosphere he had been expecting he saw crying Bella slam the door to their bedroom behind her, the dwarves staring after her with open mouths.

He interrupted the resulting silence with a growl. "What the _heck_ did you all do?!"

**-o.O.o-**

Ori was ready to bang is head against the nearest wall (or was it bang everyone else's head against the wall, he couldn't right decide) when the tale of what the heck did the dwarves do to make his wife cry at its end.

It started simply enough. Bella had been told there will be number of guests arriving during the evening, as their daily tasks allowed them, and she spent the whole day by preparing a feast worth a King that should arrive as well.

Dwalin had been the first to arrive, Balin coming soon after him, and all seemed quite well, until Dwalin decided to help himself to some cookies that weren't on the table and got his hand stuck in the cookie jar, earning himself a shocked gasp from Bella.

After the sons of Fundin, however, came the Princes Fili and Kili, and that was when the whole catastrophe started to brew. First, Fili thrust his weapons into Bella's arms, startling the woman nearly out of her skin, and then Kili had the gall to start cleaning his muddy boots over the treasure chest of Bella's mother.

When the rest of the dwarves arrived, falling at Bella's feet as she opened her door, it all went slowly but surely to the heck. First, the dwarves started helping themselves generously to the contents of Bag End's pantry without a single by-your-leave. Then, once they re-set the table Bella so carefully prepared, once again it was Kili who did something to send her into outrage by walking all over it, stepping into the plates without care, soon to be followed by Bofur throwing food at his brother Bombur and using the doilies instead of napkins and towels, laughing at her indignant "stop doing that, please!"

As the King himself arrived, he certainly put his foot into his mouth as well (as he was infamous for doing more often than not, especially when dealing with all women but those in his immediate family), since he took just a one assessing look at her and let himself be heard that "she looks more like a grocer than the granddaughter of this Thain", much to the company amusement and his wife's humiliation.

Yet, the strain on Bella's nerves had yet to be finished, as Bofur asked her where to put his plate, and when she told him not to worry about it, since as a guest it's not something he should be doing, only to snap back at Kili and Fili to stop the mock sword fights with the cutlery, as they would "blunt the knives". The whole debacle ended with Bella chasing desperately after the flying dishes and cutlery, as the dwarves juggled it around while singing a song of what they would do to all of those things, just because it's "what mistress Baggins hates". Everything had been carefully cleaned by Bifur, who actually glared at his kin manhandling those so much, but still the strain on Bella's poor strained nerves had been too much, which was exactly when Ori arrived.

Knowing how much every single plate, every single piece of cutlery meant to Bella, to every other hobbit, Ori felt himself redden with anger at what his wife had to live through without him by her side.

"You _got_ to be kidding me, Your Majesty," he bowed slightly to the scowling King, "Ur family," nod their side, "Nori, Dori," nod, "and the rest of Durin's folk." He took a deep breath to get his raging emotions under control. "I wrote you repeatedly of what not to do while in the Shire, and _yet_," his voice grew louder by each word, "you broke _every single one of those_ recommendations, by each of them dealing graver and graver insult to my wife."

And he started to list every "funny" thing they did and what insult did it inflict.

By desecrating the treasure chest of Bella's mother, throwing around the dishes, misusing the doilies and basically calling her a grocer they dishonored Bella's family ties, which went deeper than Thorin and the rest of the dwarves had thought. First, both sides of Bella's family had been very important (after all, Tooks had been Thains for centuries now, and Bagginses had been a family of great renown as well with their scholars), making her a gentlehobbit - sort of nobility of its own kind, if compared to the dwarven society. Also, dishonoring a dwarven family line was something not to be taken lightly - and in hobbit society it had been a very impolite thing to do, if done _once_.

Ori didn't dare to think of how impolite it had to be in Bella's mind, as it happened _repeatedly_.

By helping themselves first to the cookies and then to the rest of the contents of the first pantry (Ori didn't think it right idea to mention that Bag End had another big pantry, as well as one smaller, still), they shoved in her way that they do not think her a good hostess - which, given how focused on hospitality the hobbit culture was, was the greatest insult of all; a hobbit unable to serve their guests properly? Outrageous!

And then the 'that's what mistress Baggins hates' song. By ignoring Bella's requests throughout the whole evening, making her chase after the family heirlooms, mocking her in her own house with that song, bringing so many weapons into the smial... Ori still remembered how awkwardly Bella looked at the few weapons he carried away - a dagger and a sling. Hobbits felt safe in their houses, given how many defenders the Shire got - to have some bigger weapon, much less _several_ of them, was unthinkable, not to mention, _unwise_, in their opinion, as well as _dangerous_.

Bella had to feel very insecure in her own birthplace that evening, and Ori was not surprised that her nerves snapped in the end.

"I've never been so ashamed of my kin in my whole life," Ori stated, glaring at each one of them. He turned on his heel, marching to the bedroom he and Bella shared. He knew that according to the hobbit customs of hospitality he should make sure everyone has a place to sleep, but right now, all he cared about was comforting his distraught wife.

They could make themselves comfortable without his help quite easily anyway; after all, they had been doing exactly that through the whole evening.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** And some comfort for poor Bella.

**Disclaimer:** Still own nothing, but I really wish I had a can of beer right now. Alas, I have none.

* * *

**Seven**

The bedroom had been dark when he entered; the only light being the moon shining through the windows, bathing the room in gentle silver light. Closing the door quietly behind himself, he walked to the bed; Bella laid there; her back facing the entrance, her body taut. Quickly, Ori sid behind her, wrapping his arms around the stiff body of his wife, leaning in to press his face against the side of her neck. Bella gradually relaxed in his embrace, turning her head slightly to nuzzle her cheek against his hair.

"I'm sorry that my kin is such a bunch of idiots," Ori whispered, and Bella immediately tensed in his arms again. He pressed on. "I probably should try to excuse their behaviour, but what they did can't be easily excused."

"It hurt so much to see them disrespect everything that is hobbit," Bella said after moment of silence; her voice hoarse after she cried not that long ago. "I know that we hobbits can't expect the Tall Folk to respect us, but..."

"Like hell you can't expect!" exploded Ori, startling his wife, so she turned fully in his arms, facing him. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she obviously still needed to blow her nose properly, but to Ori, she was still just as beautiful as ever. "You, Bella," he continued, "are one of the most accepting people I've ever met. You _hobbits_," he stressed, "are one of the most accepting people I've met - so open, and hospitable and always respectful. So what that the rest of the wold calls you 'small folk', or even 'halflings' - not a single one of you is half of anything worthwhile, and there is nothing small about the size of your hearts. It's not your fault that the rest of the world is so dense in seeing your worth, Bella."

"Ori," Bella whispered, tears once again welling in her eyes. Wordlessly, Ori pressed his wife to him, cradling her in his arms, whispering soft words in her hair as she cried. Tomorrow, they will deal with their guests, but right now, they were wrapped in their own bubble of security and warmth.

**-o.O.o-**

Next day, Bella and Ori got up before everyone else, quietly preparing breakfast (even if Bella grimaced at how poor it seemed, compared to the usual fare for hobbit breakfasts) and when the table was set, Bella quickly kissed Ori goodbye and left to see her family to balance herself again; seeing her nieces and nephews always cheered the woman up, as the fauntlings welcomed her presence readily, eager to hear the new tales she prepared for them.

Ori sat in the kitchen, preparing the tea and coffee, thinking about what he'll do when the rest of the dwarves would wake up. Part of him wanted nothing but to kick them all out of Bag End, but the more rational part of him cautioned him not to do that, as this would only serve to mortify his wife further - throwing out your guests, rowdy and bad mannered they might be, would be sign of bad manners.

So, he would not just kick them out. But, he thought with a small smirk, nothing was stopping him from - what was the phrase the Men in Bree were so fond of using? - tear them all a new one.

His brothers certainly were very, very wary of the way he greeted them all with a wide smile, already knowing that their youngest brother had been most dangerous when he was smiling. Even the Ur family looked uneasy at the sight of his smile; however, the nobles certainly were in for a surprise, when they were told that they have a lot to make up for to his wife, with only Bifur being off the hook - Bella told him that he actually smacked several of the most rowdy dwarves and growled at them; but since she didn't speak neither iglishmek, nor khuzdul, she was unable to tell her husband what exactly he told them.

He made no secrets about how much they will have to make up with not only Bella, but with her family as well. If Bella had been upset, her family will notice and search for the reason of her being so - which definitely wouldn't be long investigation, given how attuned to each other hobbits tended to be to their family. And then whole hell would break through, he was sure of it.

But first - he told them with a sweet smile - a lesson of hobbit etiquette for dummies.

* * *

**A/N:** By the way, thank you, dear Guest for your review - I'm glad that you are enjoying the fic, and that you took the time to let me know. Same goes to everyone who reviewed to any part of this story, even the dissatisfied Guest - I like discussing things, and am a bit disappointed that I can't do it, since some people leave me no means of contact D: Anyway, every review makes me feel very energic - and energic!Neferit is very-inspired!Neferit, just so you know :P

**A/N2:** Oh, and before I forget - you folks remember the dissatisfied guest from before, who told me that genderbending was getting old? I think this will be funny to you as well as it was to me. You see, I spent several weeks by helping to tag the Hobbit Kink Meme over at LJ (not much last few days, since I have several last exams I still need to take and several essays I need to write), but I was tagging prompts and with genderbending becoming old I nearly ROFLed under my table, since one of the prompts specifically asked for genderbending, since there is not enough of that around. Go figure!


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